Friday, March 26, 2010

Hell Is For Children



Pat Benatar - Hell Is For Children
Songwriters: Pat Benatar, Roger Capps, Neil Geraldo

They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one in the same
In the eyes of a wounded child

Because hell
Hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell
Hell is for children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh

It's all so confusing, this brutal abusing
They blacken your eye, and the apologize
You're Daddy's little girl, and don't tell Mommy a thing
Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy
Tell Grandma you fell off the swing

Because hell
Hell is for children
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell
Hell is for children
And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh

Hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for children

When this song first came out, it was very controversial, some might say earth-shattering. NOBODY talked about child abuse back then. It was REALLY a taboo subject, even worse than it is today. Even when child abuse was clearly apparent, everyone turned their heads the other way and refused to see it. Everyone, except those of us who couldn't turn our heads and act like it wasn't happening.

Back in the mid-70's, I was a bored young housewife with a baby at home, on break from college for the summer. A day care center brought kids to a Vacation Bible School at a big fancy city church where I'd been asked to come help them out with art projects.

One withdrawn 6 yr old girl who came with the day care center group bore numerous cigarette burns on her arms & legs. I had seen accidental burns on kids at my daughter's day care center at the college, when little toddlers grabbed their parents cigarettes. Back in those days, people smoked inside houses & curious babies got burned. There was no doubt in my mind that this girl had numerous fresh, partly-healed and old burns. A couple were badly infected and needed medical care.

I mentioned this to several people in charge, who all discounted my concerns with statements like "Oh, I'm sure it's nothing" and "who in the world would burn such a sweet child?". They all acted like I was absolutely nuts, every last one of them. I might as well have been dropping F-bombs during a church service, the way I was shunned, after asking several people in charge to look at the wounds. The badly infected ones needed medical attention, still it didn't raise a flag with anyone.

Seeing his little girl being so withdrawn, refusing to speak, and usually cowering by herself near an available hiding place, while the other kids played, I knew what was going on, and knew that I had to do something. This day care provider was required by law to report abuse, but she didn't. Maybe the day care operator didn't want to lose the business for this little girl's family, I don't know. But she certainly wasn't someone that I would leave my precious baby girl with, not on a cold day in hell.

The real tip-off was the way this little girl's siblings beat up on her at the VBS. It was horrible, they would just walk up and smack her for no reason at all on the playground. It was all very disturbing. So when I got home that afternoon, I called Social Services to see if someone could investigate. Fortunately, I reached someone who cared and agreed that something was wrong with this situation. They said they would definitely look into it, and told me not to worry about the little girl anymore.

Well, the Social Services people visited the day care center the next week. I know that because the minister of the church called me up and cussed me out, called me a trouble-maker, told me never to step foot in their church again, etc. He said "I KNOW it was you who reported that brat, now that day care owner is going to lose her license!" He yelled every non-aware person's ignorant views on child abuse that you can imagine at me on the phone, peppered with language worthy of a sailor. Not only did the minister yell at me in a most horrible way, but he told the day care owner that he was sure that I was the one who turned her in AND he gave her my name, phone number and home address.

So the next day, this day care center owner started calling my house early in the morning. She was cussing me out because the state ordered her to shut down the day care center, pending a hearing to pull her license. When I stopped answering the phone, she showed up at my house during a garage sale and started chasing me around, screaming and yelling. She threatened me, threw things at me and trashed the garage sale. She tried to punch me, but I was waaay too fast & knew how to block. My neighbors witnessed the ruckus and called the police, who pulled up as she threw another barrage of punches at me. I wanted to charge her with assault, but since she was never able to land a single punch on me, the DA refused to file attempted assault charges against her. He also said something about the day care operator losing her income because of me. WTF? This bottom-feeder's business income was more important than an innocent child being BURNED?

Overall, it was a horrible experience, trying to help this little girl. I never imagined that people could be so stupid and ignorant about child abuse. But the fact that the day care center operator's license was pulled, and the notice in the newspaper that someone with this girl's last name was arrested and charged with multiple counts of assault, told me that I was right. When I called the Social Services person to find out about the girl, he knew all about what the minister at the big fancy church had done, and about the day care center operator coming to my house. Apparently the police told them about it, it seems she showed up at Social Services office and pulled the same thing. Anyway, he couldn't tell me anything about the girl because of confidentiality, but told me that she was safe and thanked me for having the courage to speak up.

This is a nightmare scenario of what can happen, when you try to step in and stop abuse. Still, it could have been much worse. The day care operator could have shown up with a gun and shot me or tried to harm my little girl in a playpen in the yard. The people at the church should have never given my name and address to the day care operator. I was appalled at the minister's behavior and language! Maybe he was an abuser too! I did everything right, and WAS right, but I still paid a heavy price for it. I'm not the least bit sorry though. Hopefully that little girl grew up in a better environment. But there are real risks to speaking out, so be aware that ANYONE can turn on you like a rabid dog, and it can be dangerous. Law enforcement will tell you that some of their most dangerous calls are domestic violence calls.

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